A Cry in the Womb by Shirley Jobson

A Cry in the Womb by Shirley Jobson

PART 1 – ‘It’

I can hear my mother crying again. That’s all she ever seems to do! At night, she wakes up screaming, startling me out of my peaceful snooze. Often, during the day, I hear her speaking to someone who has a very soft voice, one which I have been hearing very frequently. But my mother doesn’t ever seem to calm down.

Her voice breaks as I hear her repeat over and over, “I don’t want it! How can I keep it? It will only remind me of that day!” I don’t understand what she is saying. But every time she mentions ‘that day’, she cries. Why is she so sad?

As I float around in the comfort of her womb, I decide that I don’t want to leave it. It’s cosy in here, it feels safe. My mother’s fear and despair reach me in waves, and I don’t like how that makes me feel. If that is what it means to live in the outside world, then I don’t want to be out there.

That’s it—I won’t leave! I’ll stay in here where it’s safe!

——————–

The therapist doesn’t understand me. If she did, why would she keep telling me that I should consider keeping this…this…thing growing inside me? I cannot even bring myself to refer to ‘it’ by the proper word. I don’t even want to think about ‘it’.

Every time I do, I remember that horrible day. Each time I close my eyes, I see his leering face, looming over me. I feel the excruciating pain over and over again. I experience the numbness that had crept through me, the loss of time and space that had engulfed me, as I stared over his shoulder and willed myself to be anywhere but there.

The therapist keeps telling me that what I want to do will not help me—that it won’t take my pain away, but that it will in fact increase it tenfold. But she doesn’t know anything. What she is suggesting is unthinkable. How can I keep ‘it’? I’m still young, my life is just starting. There’s no room in there for anyone else, especially one who would be a constant reminder of that day. And what if ‘it’ looked like him? I shudder with revulsion.

The therapist also tells me that there are many willing couples who want a baby, no matter the circumstances of its conception. But that would mean that I would have to go through long months of body changes and discomfort, then pass through the pain of hours of labour, and finally give birth to ‘it’. From what I know, none of this is a walk in the park. Women giving birth are never portrayed as calm, collected, and full of smiles—quite the opposite in fact!

Why should I have to go through all that, when none of all that happened is my fault?

No, I have made up my mind. This is the only solution. This will make it all go away, and then I can get back to my life. Then I can begin to forget. Besides, ‘it’ is not even human yet. That’s what everyone says. So ‘it’ won’t feel anything—right?

Yes, I am positive this is the right decision, no matter what anyone else says. I’m the one going through this after all. It’s my body, it’s my right! And for the first time in weeks, as I pick up the phone and make the call, I feel that I am finally regaining control over my life.

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PART 2 – Would it hurt?

I suck my little thumb as I doze on and off. My mother seems much happier these days. I’ve stopped hearing the other woman’s soft voice, so maybe she was the one making my mother cry. Well, whatever the reason, I’m glad my mother is feeling better. Last time, I even felt her give a little laugh. It made her belly shake a bit, and it gave me a good feeling.

Maybe it’s not so bad out there after all. But I still feel so much safer in here. I can hear the beat of her heart. I can feel her movements, hear her voice as she speaks. Why would I want to leave?

——————–

I look around the waiting room nervously. Ever since I made up my mind to do this, I have felt so much better. And yet, deep inside, I am scared too. What will they do to me? Would it hurt? And will it really make all my pain go away?

Stop that, I chide myself mentally. You know you’re doing the right thing; stop thinking like that. I look at my mother sitting next to me, staring into space. Even she had agreed that this may well be the only solution to my predicament.

And yet, I know that she still feels a measure of doubt. It’s understandable. This procedure carries its own risks after all. But I’d rather go through with it, than have to endure another day with ‘it’ inside me. It’s been there too long already!

And then, before I know it, my name is being called, and I am ushered into one of the inner rooms. This is it, I think to myself, there’s no going back now. Soon, it will all be over. Then, I will be free again. What will that feel like? I wonder…

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PART 3 – This will be over soon!

I wonder what my mother is doing. She is lying down in a funny position, and she is speaking to someone I’ve never heard before. She asks if it will hurt. I don’t know what she is talking about.

I stretch out my tiny fingers and watch them move. They are growing fast, and so are my toes. Does my mother know how quickly my little body is developing? I close my eyes and sigh contentedly.

But suddenly I am jolted awake. What’s happening? I feel my mother tense, and it overwhelms me. For the first time in my young life, I feel the edges of fear. I don’t like it. What is going on?

——————–

I gasp as the doctor inserts the cold metal instrument inside me. The events of ‘that day’ flash once again before my eyes as my body closes up instinctively. The doctor tells me patiently to relax, or it will hurt more.

I try to make my muscles let go, but it feels like I’m being raped all over again. I’m finding it difficult to breathe. I twist my head round in panic. The nurse takes my hand and squeezes it gently. She has kind eyes.

Calm down, I tell myself. Think of the future. This will be over in a few minutes, and then your life can go on as it was before. Just hold on a bit longer; just be strong. This will be over soon!

————————————————————————————————————

PART 4 – What have I done?

I jump as a long cold thing invades my haven. What’s going on? What are they doing to my mother? I try to move away from it, as far as I can. But there’s nowhere to go. It touches me again, and I jerk away in panic.

Mum, what’s happening? What’s this horrible thing? I thrash around, but there’s no escape.

Suddenly, I feel something I never felt before. The cold thing pulls at my leg, and the water around me immediately changes colour. I cannot see, but I feel like I’m being pulled apart. I open my mouth and scream soundlessly.

Mum, Mum, help me please! Make them stop! Mum…it hurts! Why…why are…they doing this…to us? Muuuummmmmm…

——————–

It is finally over. I try not to look at the red blobs floating around in the bowl next to me, but my eyes keep turning towards them. I stare in morbid fascination at what is left of ‘it’. There is so much blood. For a moment, I wonder whether ‘it’ was a boy or a girl…

I shake myself mentally. Stop thinking like that! You’re free now. ‘It’ is finally gone. You did it!

So…then…why am I feeling so empty deep inside? Why are tears forming in my eyes? Why do I feel overwhelmed by sadness?

The nurse helps me up slowly. I feel sore inside and out. What have I done?

Stop! You did the right thing. It was the only way out. You’ll be fine once the shock of it all wears off. The nurse is offering me a cup of tea. I accept gratefully. Yes, I’ll be fine once I have some tea. I will be—for sure!

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PART 5 – Innocent

He or she would have been 5 years old today. The therapist asks me how that makes me feel. I don’t know what to tell her. Not a day passes that I don’t think about my baby. And every year, on this date, I wonder what it would have been like if I had let it live.

I had thought that having an abortion would solve all my problems. But the therapist had been right. It had indeed only served to add to my pain. In the aftermath, I not only had to deal with the trauma of the rape, I was also facing insurmountable feelings of guilt and heartache from the loss of my child.

My dreams have now gotten worse—if that is even possible. I have started avoiding sleep altogether. I lie wide awake every night, tears pooling onto my pillow. Faceless babies float around me as soon as I close my eyes, their tiny fingers reaching out to me futilely.

How could I ever have thought that I was doing the right thing? I realise now that my baby had been an innocent victim too, one which I had discarded so cruelly. What that man had done to me that day was unforgivable. He had abused my body and bruised my soul horrifically. I hadn’t mattered to him.

But I myself was no better than him. I could have explored other options. I should have given my baby the chance to be born, to play, to learn; to grow up into a young man or woman; to experience joy, wonder, and excitement; to fall in love, to see the world, to live! Instead, I chose to steal away its innocent life, without thinking of it as a person in its own right.

 The pain and horror from the rape have started to fade, and I am slowly picking up the pieces of that part of my life. But the agony from my abortion is as fresh as the day I had it. I made my baby pay with its life for a crime that someone else had committed.

Will I ever be able to forgive myself for what I had done? I wonder…

Life in the womb – Suzette Muscat

Life in the womb – Suzette Muscat

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, This Chinese proverb means that a person must begin his or her journey to reach their goal or destination.

The first step of Life begins at conception, to undo what is done, to end the journey and of course not reach the goal of the chance to life, we have to succumb to removing a life that started, if that life began in a woman’s womb, that same life is no other, than that of a human being, to stop that life, means stopping a heartbeat, all this epitomises to terminating a life, no matter how respectful we try to sound, by terminating a life we are murdering an unborn child.

We need to understand that creating a life is a God given privilege that can not be taken for granted.

My heart bleeds for women who would give their right arm, to carry a baby in their womb to have a child of their own, while, on the side of the spectrum there are other mothers, who are rooting for abortion, just because they want choice over their body.

What about those women who miscarry a baby, what about the women who are not even given a chance to be born, just because they are girls? Are the pro-abortion lobby aware and caring for these women, when they frantically crusade in favour of abortion?

A pro abort woman speaks of choice over her body, to handle as she pleases, to a certain extent that can be granted, but what that same woman seems to omit, is the fact that once impregnated, there is another body who needs to be protected, she/he also needs care, ultimately she/he needs to be given a voice, if the baby’s own mother is unaware of this, there are other women and men for that matter, out there, who are willing to give that unborn child a voice, a chance at choice and fundamentally a chance at life.

With the proposed bill, every baby in the womb will be in danger, being destroyed at any moment by its parents or even just by her/his mother.

The irony is that every being, who speaks in favour of abortion was born because her/his mother chose not to condemn her/his chance at life, her/his mother’s choice was life.

A mother’s love knows no boundaries, a mother’s love is something that no one can explain, it is made of deep devotion and of sacrifice and pain.

Therefore, I beseech you to understand the inhumane action of ripping a child from its mother’s womb and killing it, at whatever stage in the journey of gestation.

We are irritated of hearing scary tactics, which try to depict pregnant women of being denied life saving treatment, our maternal mortality rate is one of the best in the world and this, is without resorting to abortion.

Let us not be misled by the proposal of decriminalising abortion, no woman in Malta has ever been sent to prison after having an abortion.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Whither Malta now? – Ivan Padovani

Whither Malta now? – Ivan Padovani

Marlene Farrugia, never one for the quiet life, has put in the long-anticipated plug for abortion legalisation in Malta. One has to marvel at the whimsiness of her views on this subject, among others, and it is hard to say where she will stand on the matter tomorrow but for today, at any rate, she appears to be fired by an irresistible compulsion to see to it that abortion is decriminalised, if not actually legalised altogether.

The Covid crisis spawned a population of overnight experts on virology and vaccinology. Truth and fiction became hopelessly intertwined. In all probability, the complexly nuanced differences between decriminalisation and outright legalisation will be subjected to the same process of befuddlement. Abortionists are exulting at the looming prospect of new legislation. After all, if the desired objective of randomly ripping babies to shreds in the womb is to be achieved, this is the direction change must take. They will, however, make a point of playing down the enormous import of decriminalisation. But the fact is that decriminalisation renders the act of killing the unborn child into something of no more legal significance than, say, parking on a double-yellow line. And to those who have not yet been quite anaesthetised to any sense of right and wrong, the inevitable implications of the deliberate trivialisation of the destruction of human life will be justifiably appalling.

Whither Malta now ? Our nation’s sense of ethics and morality has been under siege for a very long time. How well will it face down this last assault ?

If at all.
Time will tell.

LE, għad-dekriminalizzazzjoni tal-abort – Doris Zammit

LE, għad-dekriminalizzazzjoni tal-abort – Doris Zammit

“Nazzjon li joqtol lil uliedu stess huwa nazzjon mingħajr tama”, John Paul II

Jidher li f’Malta l-mentalità ta’ xejn mhu xejn, daħlet sew. Il-ħażin sar tajjeb. Dak li kien ħażin snin ilu, issa sar tajjeb, għax ħafna jgħidu li evolvejna, li x-xjenza evolviet u aħna magħha. Id-dinja nbiddlet. Tabilħaqq id-dinja nbiddlet. Imma tgħid għat-tajjeb? Ma nafx jien jekk hux għat-tajjeb għallanqas fi ftit affarijiet!! Dak li konna naħsbu li hu ħażin 50 sena ilu, issa b’xi mod indawru ‘l hemm u ndawru ‘l hawn, skużi minn hemm u skużi minn hawn, ġibna kollox fejn ridna. Il-kuxjenza sikkitniha biex ma titkellimx, ħalli ma twiddibniex, u għalhekk nistgħu nagħmlu li rridu. 

U b’dan niġi għas-suġġett li xtaqt niddiskuti magħkom illum, anzi biex inkun għidt kollox, nagħti l-opinjoni umli tiegħi, forsi għal min jafni  jista’ jgħid wara li jaqra dak li għandi xi ngħid , li jien ma evolvejtx għax dak li kien ħażin 50 sena ilu llum jien għadni ngħidlu ħażin.

Intant diskussjonijiet pubbliċi dwar l-abort huma dejjem diffiċli. Sintendi dawn ikunu affettwati minn stigma, twemmin reliġjuż, u konvinzjonijiet morali profondi.

Id-diskussjoni dwar l-abort reġgħet qamet dan l-aħħar ġranet wara li l-Onor. Marlene Farrugia, għoġobha tressaq fil-parlament abbozz ta’ liġi intiz biex jipprovdi għal dekriminalizzazzjoni tal-abort.

Jien nemmen dak li tikkonferma wkoll ix-xjenza, jiġifieri, bħal ma jemmnu eluf oħra bħali bl-aktar mod assolut li l-ħajja tibda sa mill-konċepiment. Għalhekk jien ma nistax inkun  favur id-dekriminalizzazzjoni tal-abort. Inħoss anzi nemmen b’saħħti kollha li din il-liġi jekk tiġi fis-seħħ tkun qed tagħti lok biex jidħol l-abort pulit, pulit, għax nibdew inġibu kull skuża taħt il-kappa tax-xemx biex intemmu t-tqala għaliex bid-dekriminalizzazzjoni l-abort ma jibqax jitqies bħala reat kriminali anzi la jkun permissibbli jista’ jwassal għal abbuż.

Irridu nitilqu mill-premessa li l-iżvilupp tat-tqala jibda mill-fertilizzazzjoni fejn fil-fatt jibda l-iżvilupp tal-bniedem uman. Jibda u jkompli bħala embrijun jiġifieri sa tmiem l-għaxar/tnax-il ġimgħa fejn l-embrijun ikun ħa l-forma bażika tiegħu u aħna nirreferu għalih bħala fetu sa ma jitwieled.

Intom qatt smajtu li xi mara li abortiet marret il-ħabs? Żgur li mhux f’dawn l-aħħar 40 sena. Billi hemm il-liġi ma jfissirx li qed nitfgħu n-nies il-ħabs. Il-liġi  tipproteġi t-tarbija fil-ġuf. Però nemmen li jekk din il-liġi titneħħa jkollna liġi tal-ġungla għax kulħadd jagħmel li jrid, aktar milli qed jagħmel bħalissa. 

Id-definizzjoni ta’ abort hija t-tmiem intenzjonat ta’ tqala, li tirriżulta fil-mewt tat-tarbija fil-ġuf. L-abort itemm ħajja u li xi ħadd b’kapriċċ itemm il-ħajja ta’ xi ħadd ieħor b’għażla mhux ġustizzja. Issib min jargumenta li l-fetu mhux tarbija u mhux ħaj qabel ma jitwieled, imma skont il-bioloġija l-ħajja hija kontinwa u tibda mal-fertiliżazzjoni.

Aħna x’aħna ilkoll nafu li jekk toqtol bniedem mhux sewwa, allura għaliex nipproponu l-qtil premeditat ta’ tarbija innoċenti? Hekk sew li rridu nġibu lil pajjiżna jemmen li jekk toqtol bniedem huwa tajjeb? Jew li tużah kif trid u wara tarmih.?

Anke l-Eċċ. Tiegħu l-President ta’ Malta, Dr George Vella stqarr b’mod ċar li “ lest nirriżenja jekk f’pajjiżna tidħol liġi li tħalli l-abort isir.” U  “m’hemmx nofs mewt u jekk ħa toqtol, toqtol u jekk ma toqtolx ma toqtolx.”

Il-qtil ta’ tarbija innoċenti huwa mingħajr ebda eċċezzjoni, att kriminali, aktar u aktar meta dan ma jistax jiddefendi ruħu. U allura aktar tagħmlu gravi. U kemm huwa akbar il-fatt li tkun qed toqtlu l-omm li fil-bidu kienet tagħtu l-ħajja. M’hemmx x’niddiskutu, dan huwa att mill-aktar makabru mill-bidu sal-aħħar.  M’hemmx imma u jew…. Irridu niftakru li t-twelid ta’ tarbija mhux dritt li jingħata lil kulħadd imma huwa biss rigal minn Alla. U hekk għandu jibqa’ u mhux nagħtuh forma kif irridu aħna. 

Ma nistax ma nepatizzax ma’ dawk in-nisa li jew jinqabdu bi tqala mhux mixtieqa jew mhux mistennija. Hija sitwazzjoni diffiċli. Jiena favur li jittieħdu l-miżuri kollha meħtieġa ta’ sapport lil dawn in-nisa, mingħajr ma tkun ipperikolata l-ħajja tat-tarbija kemm qabel u wara t-twelid.

Huwa tajjeb li qabel ma titwieled noqtlu ħajja bl-abort, sew bil-pinnoli li jabortu lit-tarbija, jew modi oħra?

Ejjew nidħlu fiż-żarbun tat-tarbija, kieku dik it-tarbija kont jien, kont inkun irrid li joqtluni qabel nitwieled?

Naqbel mija fil-mija ma’ Life Network meta jgħidu li “Id-dekriminalizzazzjoni tal-abort ifisser li minn dak il-ħin inkunu qed ngħidu li l-abort mhux xi ħaġa ħażina. Id-dekriminalizzazzjoni iġib l-abort f’Malta. Ċara daqs il-kristall. Id-dekriminalizzazzjoni tal-abort iwassal mhux biss li l-abort ma jibqax jitqies bħala reat kriminali imma li ma jkunx regolat u faċilment iwassal għal abbuż għax isir permissibbli

(a) f’kull stadju tat-tqala anki lejlet it-twelid u

(b) f’kull ċirkostanza.

Apparti minn hekk, tobba u infermiera jkunu jistgħu jeqirdu l-ħajja ta’ tarbija mhux imwielda, qisu ma ġara xejn u bil-libertà kollha, u dan meta sal-lum il-ġurnata l-abort jitqies minn bosta professjonisti mediċi Maltin u barranin li jmur kontra l-prinċipji tal-etika li fuqhom jimxu u li jorbtu lill-professjonisti mediċi fil-prattika tagħhom. Aktar gravi minn hekk, l-abbozz jirrevoka wkoll il-provvediment li jikriminalizza l-abort ikkaġunat minħabba negliġenza medika jew b’nuqqas ta’ ħila!”

Nagħlaq billi nikkwota lill-Qaddisa Madre Teresa “L-Abort joqtol darbtejn. Joqtol ġisem it-tarbija u joqtol il-kuxjenza tal-omm.”  

Le, għad-dekriminalizzazzjoni tal-abort.

 

A Mandate to Deceive – Charlene Giordmaina

A Mandate to Deceive – Charlene Giordmaina

Let us say a general election has just been announced and you are weighing your options as to which political party, or parties, you will be voting for when you cast your vote on election day. On what basis are you going to decide your vote? One element, amongst others, which should always play an important part when making such a decision would be to analyse what the respective political parties are promising to the electorate. Such promises come in the form of an electoral manifesto.

The late British Labour politician and former Cabinet Minister Peter Shore once described electoral manifestos as “a party’s contract with the electorate”, and that is what a manifesto is all about; it is about a political party entering into a contract with the electorate that, should it be elected to government, it will adhere to and ensure the implementation of those specific promises. An electoral manifesto is not just a piece of paper to make the political party look attractive and appealing to the electorate, it is much more than that. Irrespective of whether the majority of the electorate bases its vote on that manifesto or not, the party elected to government must ensure that it implements the promises made in that manifesto, nothing more, nothing less.

The rationale behind the political manifesto submitted to the public prior to a general election is clear – each respective political party officially declares what its agenda and priority areas in a number of fields shall be, should that political party be elected to government. Prior to the 2017 General Election, both parties presented their respective electoral manifesto. Let’s take the Labour Party’s electoral manifesto – LGBTIQ rights, decriminalisation of cannabis and prostitution, as well as the introduction of cremation were mentioned black on white under the civil rights section. One has every right to disagree with these proposals, but one of course cannot say that these proposals did not form part of the Labour Government’s agenda. The same can be said for the Nationalist Party.

One topic, however, which both the Labour Party and the Nationalist Party electoral manifesto failed to address is abortion. So how can we say that the government, or the opposition, and much less so, an individual member of Parliament, has an electoral mandate to introduce abortion in Malta when this is not what the public voted for? To make matters worse, the decriminalisation of abortion bill was presented in Parliament by a member of parliament that first was elected to Parliament as part of a political coalition between PN and the short-lived PD, and then later resigned to become an independent MP. This goes against the principle of good governance.

In addition, abortion was not just on any electoral manifesto, but up till a very few weeks prior to the 2017 general election, both the Labour Party and the Nationalist Party were insisting that abortion was not on the agenda.

In fact, in the first of a series of political debates organised by the Broadcasting Authority during the 2017 electoral campaign, Forza Nazzjonali, which was being represented by amongst others Dr. Marlene Farrugia herself as leader of PD, declared that it is categorically against abortion, because the parties (i.e. the parties constituting Forza Nazzjonali, these being the Nationalist Party and the Democratic Party led by Marlene Farrugia) believed in the sanctity of life. Having bound herself by this electoral pledge Dr. Marlene Farrugia would be shortchanging the very essence of being truthful to your electorate and outrightly violating any sense of political decency and honesty with the electorate. Dr Farrugia cannot decide to change track simply because it now suits her political agenda to do so.

The very least an electorate can expect from the political parties and representatives it elects to Parliament is transparency and clarity as to what their political agenda is. Promising one thing because at the time it might not be so popular to promise otherwise, and then doing the exact opposite a few years down the line during the same legislature just because you might feel that that topic is now more popular, or just because you are attempting to salvage your political future, is unfounded. This clearly shows that no political party, much less so an individual MP, has an electoral mandate to introduce abortion in Malta at present.