Love Louder – Jeff and Jennifer Christie

If I had listened to you,

I wouldn’t have woken up this morning with five year old toes in my face.

There wouldn’t be light up Batman sneakers in the shoe rack,

or goldfish crackers swimming on the floor of our SUV.

If I had listened to you,

I wouldn’t know all the words to the Paw Patrol theme song,

or the names of the Bubble Guppies.

I wouldn’t have seen Frozen in the theater.

Twice.

I have a few more stretch marks,

A little less money,

less time,

and more fine lines around my eyes.

If I had listened to you,

I wouldn’t know the tug of little arms around my neck,

sticky hands tenderly patting my face,

random requests for mommy snuggles.

If I had listened to you,

the phrase “beauty for ashes” would be one dimensional,

healing would have been a slow, uphill climb,

and so much pain would have so much less purpose.

I have a little more patience,

and a little less pride,

less selfishness,

more faith in the Great I AM.

If I had listened to you,

to the world,

to the doubt and the fear,

I’d miss hearing a croaky morning voice tell me he misses me when he’s asleep.

But I didn’t listen to you.

I listened to love.

The heart of God,

the motion of mercy,

the song of grace,

the soul of the mother that I already was and was destined to be again.

Sounds of love, louder than the anxiety, drowning out the agony.

Louder.

I listened.

I followed.

And just look what I got.

Life with no regrets.

Jennifer Christie